He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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