its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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