You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
