Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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