I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
