I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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