did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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