Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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