so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
what day is it and did you see me today?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!