I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
