you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.