dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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