doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
