is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
