then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
