I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
