I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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