I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
