we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
