I am in a vortex of obligation.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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