chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
