as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
