i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
