Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
