So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
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Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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