If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
