with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
