It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
