? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
