his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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