I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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