Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
