The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
