Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
