Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
