Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I smell like Dick and happiness
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
