dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
