Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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