The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
