you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
