genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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