she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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