He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.