he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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