Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.