i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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