And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.