i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
two words: eviction party
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
