It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
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Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too