did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize