Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
