sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
