Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
