OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
