THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
