Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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