I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
