I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize