wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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