I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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