Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We are all done wearing pants today
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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