Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
