i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
